Our Baby Story - Part 9 - Pregnant, God Still Reaffirming

I had had a wonderful specialist at the end of my last pregnancy, and she had given me so much faith on being able to have a healthy pregnancy next time, no matter that I was getting older.  She told me next time I was pregnant, to give her a call the day I found out.

Well I couldn’t call on Saturday, so I called on Monday.  She tried to get me in that very day, but I couldn’t get out of work, so I came in the next day.  She told me on the phone she might have to do an internal ultrasound, and the way she said it made me wonder if I should worry.  So I looked it up, and many women believe these internal ultra sounds caused their miscarriages.  So I prayed about it, and asked others to as well.  We all felt God saying to go ahead with the ultrasound.  I did pray though that if the ultra sound would cause any harm to our child that God would protect our baby and put a bubble of protection around them.

Well, they did the ultra sound, and that is EXACTLY all they saw.  They saw the uterus reacting and already growing from the pregnancy, they saw the sack, and a blank bubble inside.  But because of that, I also worried, we hadn’t seen a heart beat.  I had to remind myself later of the fact that I'd asked for a bubble of protection.

My specialist then told me she had something she had to tell me.  I could tell by the tone in her voice I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.  - That very day was her very last day.  HER LAST DAY???  I tried not to bawl.  The whole time we’d been planning this pregnancy, part of the hope and peace I had was because SHE WAS going to be OUR DOCTOR.  I had a cry later over it. 

They rescheduled me to come back in three weeks to have a normal ultra sound done.  During that three weeks, I tried not to think about it, because when I did, I worried.  But then I recalled two things.  I NEEDED to see the specialist this pregnancy.  Even if it was just that one day, I NEEDED to see her, and God had worked it out that I got in just under the wire.  Also, my birthday bud NEEDED to know before she left, and God let us know just the day before she left that we had to test before she left so that she could know before she went to Mexico.  This had to be the baby God was promising.  This baby had to be.

At the end of May it was my birthday.  And I spotted.  I cried, and told God He just couldn’t take my baby, not on my birthday.  I told Him He wouldn’t do that to me.  Not on my birthday.  I want to say I had no fear, but there were definitely moments of tears.  But He didn't take our baby.  What was such a stressful day for me, was actually a blessing.  That was the baby implanting.  That was the baby making their home into me and settling in for a good long stay.

On June 17^th, we saw our baby's heartbeat!  161 beats per minute.  I bawled.  I tried not to, but I had been so frightened, no matter what I told myself to believe, that there might not be a heartbeat, and if there was, that it wouldn’t be strong.  But our baby was perfect.  As you can tell, I had many fears during this pregnancy, I truly tried not to, but having lost one baby, it was so hard to conceive at times of a baby living, BUT, God was always faithful, no matter how well I did or how much I struggled.

The other great thing that has happened is that when we were pregnant with our son, God kept telling us to wait to buy things until after we were 20 weeks. Well we were 20 weeks when he was born and lived two hours. But this time? He's been getting us ready so very long. That as well gives us hope.

So now we move forward.  In a couple of weeks I will be on bed rest.  In the week I go off work, I’ll have surgery to stitch my cervix, and keep it from opening.  It will probably be a long pregnancy, it will probably be hard at times, but I just have to keep reminding myself of all the things God has shared with me.  Things I wrote about here, and more.  We are also claiming life over our baby daily.  The friend that got in prayer last year for us not to get medical intervention, also got in prayer another time that when we were pregnant next, God wants us to claim life over the baby daily. I have to admit I think there are two days we missed, & I have started putting up reminders so that we don't forget again. This baby, this pregnancy, means so much to us, that we want to follow God's will completely in all of it.

So why am I sharing all this?  Because God may be asking you to do something that seems impossible.  God may ask you to do something that may appear crazy.  It might be hard, and you might be riddled with doubt as you take your first steps… but if you can, give doing what God asks a try.  If I’d listened to the few people that told me not to get my hopes up, and not put our baby room together, I would feel right now like I’d failed God.  I believe we would be pregnant either way, but there is such a peace about it because of how I was able to give in and obey God.  Did I always do it right?  Or with the right heart?  No.  No where near it, and that is something I’m working on for the future, but I’m glad I still obeyed, even if my heart was struggling.  I would be so disappointed in myself right now had I not given God faith when it seemed crazy to do so.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading along.  I hope our story touched you in some way.

I thought to end it all off, I'd show the three verses I felt were supposed to be on the nursery room walls.  Part of my promise to bring our child up in God from the very beginning.  For some reason, blogger is turning some of these gray here, they are all white backgrounds.