Then the week before Easter came, and God REALLY challenged me. Up until now, I was doing things in preparation, but I was buying everything, I wasn’t asking for handouts, I wasn’t asking for help getting things together. But God changed that.
The woman who had given me the Bible told me that Sunday, April 13th, that her little girl no longer needed her crib and she needed to find someone to give it to. God told me to ask her for the crib. I couldn’t do it, I was too embarrassed. It was one thing to go and buy it if she was selling, but she was giving it away… I just couldn’t ask. I wasn't even pregnant! Still, God chirped in my ear about it all week.
Good Friday, April 18th, the two girls I was doing lent with met at my place for the first time. My birthday bud had never seen our nursery, I had shown her a photo, but she wanted to see the real thing. And then we decided we needed to pray over the room. You could really feel God moving. {And every time I looked at the room after that, even though not a thing had been moved, it felt like a totally different room. I asked my husband about it, but he didn’t sense anything different. Still, I couldn’t go by the room without feeling it was all brand new.}
After we prayed over the room and our future child, my birthday bud told me how much faith I had to put the room together. I told her that I didn’t feel I’d had faith. I mean, yes, some of it was, but sometimes I’d just feel I was having a bad day, and felt buying something for the baby we wanted would help me to feel better. She challenged me to see that that was still obeying, but I couldn’t. It felt too selfish of me.
The next day, April 19th, after having such a wonderful prayer time, I felt I could admit to the lady that God was asking me to ask her for her crib. I admitted we weren’t pregnant, but that I felt God asking me to ask her for her crib. So I asked her, if she had not already found a home for it, and if no one was coming to mind for her to give it to, would she pray and see if she too was getting that God wanted me to have the crib. She read it, and a few hours later got back to me and said that the crib was ours. A week later she and her family brought it to our house. We were going to leave all the pieces against the wall for the time being, and put it together when we were pregnant, but the next day, even though it was a Sunday and I try not to do work on Sundays, God told me it needed to be put together right away. I didn’t hesitate, I’d hesitated over too many things, I was done fighting. My husband and I put it together that afternoon.
Still, a part of me felt guilty over how much of the room I felt was put together for selfish motives. But on May 13th we went and saw the movie God is Not Dead. At one point, this pastor is trying to take this missionary to Disney World. The pastor goes to start the car, and the engine won’t start. He says not to worry, they’ll get a rental car. The rental car is brought, the guy steps out of the car, hands the keys to the pastor, and the pastor tries to start the car. It won’t start. The rental guy says he’ll bring another one tomorrow. Same deal, that car won’t start for him either. So that night, or a few nights later, can’t remember sorry, the missionary and the pastor come out to the car with all their luggage in hand. The pastor asks why they bothered to bring out their luggage. The missionary says it’s to show they have faith that the car will start this time. There had been no work done to the car at this point. The pastor drops the bags and heads to the car. The missionary chides him and says he has to put the bags in the car. So he does. Next you see the pastor and missionary in the car, and the pastor is about to turn the key. You can see by the look on his face that he doesn’t have one lick of faith that the car is going to start for him, still, he turns the key, and the car revs to life.
And right then and there, God spoke down to me. Yes, some of the things I had bought were when I was struggling, having trouble believing, or for selfish reasons, but all of them did what He asked, and that was to get ready for the baby He was sending us. He also reminded me of the verses in the Bible that says it is better to say no to doing what you should, but then deciding to do it, than to say yes to doing as you should, but not actually doing it. Matthew 21:28-32 Hearing that from God touched me so much. My heart may not have always been right, but I obeyed, and continued to obey until my heart was right. Hearing God in that moment, hearing the pride He had in me… it was so overwhelming. I don’t know that I have ever felt God’s love so clearly as I did then. And not only did He love me, he was proud of me. I hope I never forget that moment.
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